I dreampt that my dad took me to see a huge bear maul someone. and I was like dad why would you ever take me to see something so horrid? He said something like well I thought this would’ve interested you because of  your last dream. (The dream before was about being trapped on an infected boat full of zombies and having to kill them all) I thought to myself this guy is such a nut! I’m out but the event was somewhere in the air and both of our cell phones fell so I couldn’t call anyone to come pick me up.  I eventually got to a car and said screw this I’m changing this dream.

One of the things I’ve learned so far this year is the meaning of friendship. (as cheesy as that may sound) My circle of friends is really small. and my experiences this year have opened my eyes to what a true friend is. A true friend is some one who no matter what the time of day, will be there with you in the tough times and the good times. Someone who is only there with you in the good times but won’t stick around when you’re in the dumps is not worth your time and effort.

Complaining isn’t going to get you anywhere.  If you find yourself unsatisfied with where you are at in life, moaning and groaning about it won’t change a thing. You yourself need to get off your ass and out into the wild. Rampage around and fuck shit up. Learn how to self motivate.

If after 45345 years, nothing has changed. It never will. Move on.

People just want to be heard.

Before it gets better, it will get worse.

I’ve been in such a funk lately I can’t seem to get myself out of it.

I would very much like to bury myself in a cavern
at the very depths of the oceans floor. 
To simply forget everything
Be at peace with my surroundings for once.

How can I get there?

Why do i need to get my act together?

It’s 1:32 in the morning. You are listening to Interpol. You have a test tomorrow on material you never went over because you were to lazy to read because it’s been really hard focusing. 

stop that. stop making excuses for yourself!

You have no idea what you want to do. or where you are at academically speaking.
You’ve been spending countless hours doing completely pointless crap.
It’s been about 2 months since you’ve last finished an entire book.
You are out of money.
You are out of social skills
You are unorganized.
Rise up and fix this. 

Study for that test this wednesday.
Go to the library and read for EFH’s midterm. 
Read more.
Walk more.
Sing more.
Write more. 

I seriously need to get my act together. 

I’m worried my dad might do something drastic 
he isn’t eating right. He isn’t sleeping right. He takes sleeping pills among other medications. and even though he takes the sleeping pills he doesn’t sleep. He over works. I see him and it’s like he’s slowly disappearing. I honest to God have no idea how to make him happy. or back to how he was before. 
Helplessness is the shittiest feeling ever.

Things I didn’t do this spring break

1. Go to the beach
2. Go to a show
3. Homework
4. Sun Bathe
5. Finish a book
6. Run
7. I HAVE NOT EATEN A BURGER.
8. gotten a job
9. go out
10. breathe
11. think
12. write

Things I did do

1. Went to see Conan (Monday) with Sarah & Isaiah.
2. Obsess over X-Files on Netflix.
3. and Twin peaks
4. Practice Driving
5. Almost crashed
6. Bought myself clothes.
7. Got a bob (Wed)
8. Carried neighbors 4 or is it 2 month old baby girl
9. Filled out applications
10. woke up early (8:30)
11. walked around the rose bowl
12. freak out when a bug flew into my right eye.
13. Had some tacos
14. Covered a song with Denise.
15. Read Sherlock Holmes 
16. drank copious amounts of coffee.(and spent copious amounts)

Reasons why I should go to school

Reasons I should stay home

1. It’s raining bullets
2. I hear thunder
3. I don’t have a ride
4. taking the bus in the rain isn’t my kind of thing
5. it’s just early film history.
6. I’m pretty sure there won’t be a test today
7. Twin Peaks
8. X-Files
9. Old school Doctor Who
10. aka Netflix
11. it’s Friday the 13th
12. so that raises the possibility of dying.
13. I might die.
14. There’s a small chance that class might be canceled 
15. I could get struck by lightning

Today went downhill.

Barnes and Noble called me back earlier today!

I am to show up at 11 am dressed up.

I was told it’ll be a group interview. How do those go?

pointers please?